Nothing brings out the best in me like a 45 minute long phone conversation with my dental/health insurance company. Really. You should see it. I’m adorable. (Please read those sentences with the absolute most sarcasm you can muster) Instead of being squeezed and oozing Jesus I tend to have more of a hold-my-earrings-I’ll-be-right-back-Jesus- kind of moment.
Really adorable.
I was furious. And I don't get furious often. My husband jokes that he has a very short fuse with a small bang and then he’s over it right away, and I have a very long fuse with a bigger bang that takes me much longer to get over. Like, days. Think mushroom cloud. It isn't pretty. However, there is absolute evidence that the Lord is working my life because over the years I have learned not to overreact in those moments, thus sparing the person I’m dealing with the wrath of hurricane Salina which leaves no survivors in its wake. Thank you Lord, and you’re welcome.
This is Holy Week. Truth be told I’ve felt less than holy so far. At the height of my frustration yesterday I somehow had the good sense to put on some worship music. Can I just tell you- worship is our greatest form of spiritual warfare. Mind you, I didn't stop to worship, but I knew enough to know I needed it on right then. I went about cleaning up my kitchen and making dinner going over the past conversation in my head again and again and I had a moment. I felt like such an idiot.
Holy Week.
This is the week when Jesus started with his triumphal entry, and the crowds crying, “Hosanna!”, but ended it at the cross. The betrayal he suffered blows my mind. I don’t know about you but betrayal is a very serious thing to me. When I feel betrayed by a friend or loved one it takes me some time to get over it. And I couldn't help but think about that crowd crying “Hosanna”. They loved him. They were worshipping him. And as Jesus looked out at that crowd I wonder if he knew some of those faces? I’ll bet he did. I wonder if he healed some of those faces in the crowd? I’ll bet he did. I wonder if some of those faces were also the same ones crying, “Crucify him!” later that week. I’ll bet they were.
It breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart because he knew the whole time. He knew the crowd that cried “Hosanna” would be the same ones to cry “Crucify him” just a few days later, and yet he still loved them. He still received them and was gracious to them.
Goodness... I cant imagine that deep a betrayal.
It breaks my heart.
Goodness... I cant imagine that deep a betrayal.
It breaks my heart.
In my kitchen yesterday I came to the realization that I had no business being furious. Not this week. Not when my Jesus was betrayed and scorned and spit on and shredded to pieces and murdered…because of me. For me. Oh how my heart ached at the fullness of that realization. Who do I think I am? I am so well provided for. I know no lack in my life. I am so ridiculously and abundantly blessed and yet I can still manage to lose sight of all that in the course of one phone call? It’s humbling to say the least.
As much as the idea that Jesus knew the people in the crowd that Palm Sunday breaks my heart, it is also a comfort to me. He knew them just like he knows me. One minute I can be so aware of the blessings and the gift of salvation Jesus has given me and all he went through to give it, and the next I can be so angry and less than Christ-like because of my circumstances at that moment. And yet he still loves me. He still receives me and is gracious to me.
Goodness...
Undeserved grace.
In light of the world I had every reason to be furious. I was wronged. But in light of the cross I am able to give grace to others who wrong me and I am able to give grace to myself. And hopefully the next time the occasion arises I’ll be able to remember that before I want to go from zero to ghetto on someone! Just being real here…
So let me ask you- what do you need to look at in light of the cross this week? A little bit of perspective and a whole lot of gratitude can go a long way.
Till next time…
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