Where The Heck Have I Been??

Hey there!  Remember me?  I'm the chick who writes on this blog…or at least I was…  I know it’s been awhile and some of you have been asking me, “Where’s your blog??” and I really haven't had a good answer for you.  Some of my absence can be attributed to circumstances, and some of it just not.  So here’s what I’ve been up to…

Most of you know I had major surgery this spring for thoracic outlet syndrome. Feel free to insert “blah blah blah” or vomiting noises here.  Truly, I'm just as tired of talking about it as you probably are of hearing about it.  This surgery really kicked my butt. 

Road trip back down to Baltimore for my follow up appointment at

 Johns Hopkins Univ. Hospital this summer.  Alex looks thrilled.

And just when I think I’m all “back to normal”  my recovery takes two steps back.  It’s been extremely frustrating for me.  Apparently I don't believe the rules apply to me, so when my surgeon told me that it will take a full year to recover from this I just kinda brushed off that notion and expected to be able to work again doing hair in five months time.  No. Such. Luck.  In fact I’ve found that doing hair works in direct opposition to my recovery and really won’t be something I can ever go back to.  So I guess I’d better learn a new skill!  How about writing…??

I have been writing once a month for our church’s blog, which I’ve really enjoyed, but haven’t been writing much here. I’ve been wrestling with some serious questions.  Brace yourself and I’ll walk you through my neurosis…

1. Does my voice, my thoughts, my words, improve the silence or just add more noise?  The internet is a noisy place, y’all.  I'm sure you know that.  So I’ve spent some time wondering if it’s even worth it to add my voice to it.  Who cares?  I’m just a mom and housewife from PA.  Why should anyone listen to me?  Which lead me to my next question… 
2. What if I put my words out there and no one reads them?  What if no one cares what I have to say?  I am a perfectionist, so my natural thought process is this-  If I can’t have the most amazing blog in the world with the most riveting content and the most followers ever in the history of the internet, then I’d rather not do it.  Go big or go home.  So I went home.

Which leads me to my third reason for dropping y’all like a Hot Pocket…

3.  My kids were home for the summer.  I LOVE having my kids home.  In fact I try to talk them into homeschooling just about every year before they go back to school.  But alas, they love school and really thrive there.  There are worse problems to have.  And they provided a very convenient excuse not to write.

                                           Are they just ridiculously adorable or what?

But here’s what I’ve concluded in my time away…

• So what?  So what if my surgery knocked me on my butt?  I need to get back up.  And when my recovery takes two steps back, I need to remember all the steps I’ve taken forward.

• So what if no one listens to me?  I’ve been told that God has given me a gift for writing.  I'm not quite sure I buy this idea yet, but if He has then I owe it to Him to explore it, develop it, and use it for His glory.

• Perfectionism is really just fear.  Ugh.  I don't even like typing those words let alone processing them.  I allowed fear to creep in and tell me I'm not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, I don't have enough skills, or drive to produce something worthwhile.  And while some of that may or may not be true, I’m giving myself permission to explore this imperfectly.  Not a huge commitment to make a full time career out of blogging, just the freedom to experiment a little, dabble a little, and have fun with it.  So now that I’m cool with that, are you?  I may not always have the most amazing images or the most riveting content, but it will always be authentically me- that much I can promise.  

So my question for you is this: what is it you’re holding yourself back from exploring?  You didn’t really think I’d write a blog post and not turn it back on you, did you??  I’m serious though.  What is something you’ve wanted to try but your perfectionistic, do-it-all-or-do-nothing-at-all attitude has been keeping you from doing?  (A 90's boy band song just popped into my head.  You too?)  What gifts have others seen in you that you haven't had the courage to develop?  You really have nothing to lose.  Give yourself permission to try.  Give yourself permission to fail.  Give yourself permission to succeed wildly.