Influence With Your Generosity

This post was originally published on the GT Blog

I just wanted to leave. I wanted outta there in the fastest way possible. I wanted to be at home with my family, in my room, where everything was familiar. I was 10 years old, it was my birthday and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I was feeling or why.
I grew up in suburban neighborhoods where everyone was pretty much the same. Not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination but not poor either. I did all the typical kid stuff that you did in the 80’s- staying out to play till it got dark, catching lightening bugs, riding my bike or walking all over creation, eating Pop Rocks and then drinking soda to see if I’d actually explode…all the important things.

When I was around 9 years old we started attending a church in the city. I really didn’t know anyone there but I begrudgingly attended their Wednesday night children’s program. We would play in the gym, do some kind of activity, and earn fake money with which to buy trinkets or candy at the church store for memorizing scripture verses. Just for the record, I never earned a penny.

But on the evening of Wednesday November 4th, 1980-something the program was going to be a little different. Instead of our usual time in the gym, we were all going by bus to a bonfire. Sounded like fun, but being the social butterfly that I was and not knowing anyone there, this was just torture for me. As I was sitting by myself on the bus a very outgoing girl started talking to me. You’d think I would have been thrilled to have someone to talk to but I wasn’t. I didn’t want her to talk to me. Her clothes were mismatched and dirty with holes in them, her hair was greasy and messy, by the way she smelled she clearly hadn’t showered in some time, and my 10 year old self just didn’t know what to do with that. I was very uncomfortable but at that age I could not quite put a finger on why. Having lots of friends at school who were all pretty much like me, I had never encountered anything like this before.
As she and I talked she learned that it was my birthday. Oh she was so happy for me! Genuinely happy for me! Which made me even more uncomfortable. Then she did something I’ll never forget. She reached in her pocket and handed me every single fake dollar she had earned for memorizing her bible verses and insisted I take it. She said she wanted me to use it to buy a birthday present for myself. I wanted the earth to drop out from under me and swallow me whole. I reluctantly took the money from her and stared out the window for the rest of the bus ride, fighting back tears.

I didn’t know why I wanted to cry. All I knew was that I just wanted to leave. I wanted to go home. I had never been around another girl my age who smelled, or sounded like she did; who had nothing but gave me everything. It was too much for my just barely 10 year old self to process and though I tried so hard to fight it, thinking that if I just kept my head turned and stared hard enough out that window I could stop it, the tears rolled.

Obviously I’ve never forgotten that girl. Looking back on it as an adult can bring tears to my eyes all over again just as if I were right back on that bus.
I’m sure she probably thought I had it all and yet I didn’t even want to give her my conversation.
She had nothing of worldly value to me.
But she still reached in her pocket and gave me everything she did have.
It still amazes me.
What an incredibly generous gift.

I now realize that she was far richer than I was or maybe ever will be. She had stored up the treasure of God’s word in her heart week after week faithfully and the overflow of that was poured out on me in her generosity. I didn’t deserve it.

All I had was an eraser and a candy bar that I bought with the money she gave me.

She’s the one who had it all.

When I think about it I realize she didn’t just give me money, she gave me her time, friendship, conversation, and even joy that evening. It didn’t matter how much or what it was, she was generous with everything she had. And it doesn’t matter how much, or what we give. It’s our generosity that matters. Are we generous with our love? With our time? With our conversation? With our friendship and who we give it to? And yes, with our resources (fake or real ;)?

Her generosity left an undeniable mark on me.

I don’t know her name, but I’ve prayed for her over the years. Prayed that I could be a little more like her. Prayed that she would be blessed with wonderful friends and family and that her every need would be met. Prayed that I could be half as generous as she was. Prayed that I could look as much like Jesus as she did on that evening of November 4th 1980-something.

---

READ //
Psalm 112: 3-5
2 Corinthians 8:2
JOURNAL PROMPT & DISCUSSION QUESTIONS //
Has anyone’s generosity toward you ever influenced you to be more generous yourself?
In what ways can you be more generous with your time, talents, and resources this week?
PRAYER FOCUS //

---

Mark 12:41-44

Is it easier for you to be generous with some people than others? Why?
Dear Lord, we want to look more like you. Help us to be more generous with all that you’ve given us. Help us to see the needs around us and be quick to respond to them. Help us to honor you with our time, talents and resources, and help us to see everyone as you see them- as loved, valued, children of God. Help us to be a Godly light and influence with our generosity. In Jesus’ name…

Epic Showdown

This post was originally published on the GT Blog

When I first sat down to write this blog post, I carefully crafted a lovely essay talking about how God showed up for Daniel in an epic showdown at the lion’s den, how God has showed up for us in epic showdowns before, and how he wants to do that for you too. It was a great feel-good story written to uplift and spur hope within you. Blah blah blah.

But as I read and re-read the account of Daniel and the lions den, something kept nagging at me…stay with me here…

In Daniel 6, right before he was about to be thrown into the lions den, the king (who did not want this to happen) said to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, rescue you!” Hmm….

And then when the king comes back to check on Daniel in the morning and finds him completely unharmed, Daniel says in verse 22, “My God sent His angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight.”
And if that’s not enough, in verse 23 it says, “When Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God.”

This all got my wheels turning. Seriously. If you look closely you could probably see smoke coming out of my ears right now.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, there it is; this correlation between serving God continually, being found innocent, trusting in God, and having Him show up big in our lives because of it. I’d love to comfort you with a story of how God will defend you in an epic showdown going on in your life and all you have to do is believe Him for it.

But that’s not what I see here.

I see Daniel, who was taken from all that he knew in Jerusalem and thrown into Babylon. It was culture shock for sure. And to be honest, I highly doubt the cultural climate in Babylon was a whole lot different than our cultural climate right now. Sin ran rampant and no one really batted an eye at it. Daniel could have chosen to blend in with the culture that surrounded him and no one would have blamed him. To not do so could have ended in his death. But instead Daniel chose to continually serve, honor, and trust his God despite all that surrounded him. He chose to look different than those around him and trust God with the ramifications of that.

Goodness me. Let that soak in for a minute.

Fortunately for those of us blessed enough to live in the U.S., our lives are not on the line here. So then what are we so afraid of?? Why do we seem so unable to take a stand for God in even the small things in our lives?

Instead we choose to watch that movie.
Listen to that music.
Engage in that conversation that’s going nowhere good.
Tell that dirty joke.
Read that popular pornographic book.
Go on that website.
Tear someone else down in an attempt to make ourselves look better.
Skip church because we just. can’t. even.

I could go on and on. I’m sure you could too. And please hear me, I’m not trying to shame anyone here. I’m just as guilty in some of these areas as you are.

Sometimes it’s easier to stop swimming upstream and let the culture-current take us where it will. But here’s what I know about that current- it will take us farther than we ever thought we’d go, keep us longer than we ever thought we’d stay, and cost us more than we ever thought we’d pay.

The truth I can’t get away from in the story of Daniel and the lions den is this: the love of God is unconditional, but His blessings are not.

Ouch.

I said it.

Are you mad at me?

Daniel radically lived his life for the Lord. He knew he didn’t need to fear when being thrown in the lions den because he had a relationship with God that was so tight that nothing could cause him to doubt. He and God had history together. And that history came from time spent with Him. Continually serving, obeying, trusting. When we are walking upright with the Lord we can expect His blessings in our lives. Please note I did NOT say walking perfectly with the Lord. But when we’re not, when we choose to coast along with the cultural current, God will often times lift His hand of blessings; never to shame us- shame is not from God, but in an effort to get our attention and draw us back to Him.

It’s always about Him.

So here’s the good news in all this… God’s mercies are new every morning. Praise God for that because some days I feel like I’ve used them all up by noon! He loves us even when we screw up and if we’re faithful to bring that moment of failure to Him, He’ll be faithful to forgive it and show us a new way to live. And if you do that over and over again, pretty soon you’ll find yourself having to do it less and less. You’ll find yourself walking hand in hand with your Savior in His ways every day and the blessings and favor of God will flow yet again. God is so good isn’t He? He will never leave us without a way out of temptation (1Cor. 10:13).

So can we try this? What if we as the body of Christ decided that it wasn’t so bad to look different than everyone else? What if we decided that being called the “Jesus Freak” wasn’t the worst thing in the world, and was maybe even a great thing? What if we decided to boldly live as a modern day Daniel in our modern day Babylon? I can tell you this- our lives would be radically changed. Our families would be radically changed. Our church would be radically changed. And maybe even our world would be radically changed. And we wouldn’t have to fear the lions.

---

READ //

1 Corinthians 10:13
Daniel 6
Luke 9:26
2 Timothy 4:7

JOURNAL PROMPT & DISCUSSION QUESTIONS //

Do you find it difficult to be in this world and not of it?
In what areas of this do you struggle the most?
What is one thing you can do differently this week to live like a modern day Daniel?

PRAYER FOCUS //

Dear Lord, we love you and we so long to please you. It’s getting harder and harder to stand for you in the culture we live in. Lord, keep us strong. Help us to live boldly for you. Give us ears to hear you and a heart that longs to do your will. Help us to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

4 Things You Can Do While You're Waiting On God

So I’m feeling a little grouchy this morning.  Ok maybe stabby is a better word for it.  All I know is that I’ve had two cups of coffee already and that’s not even touching it. This may be a job for a Chick Fil A milkshake.  I swear the secret ingredient in those things is crack…

I know what my problem is…

I’m waiting.  Impatiently.  Waiting for God to open a door.  Any door.  Please. 

I hate waiting. Don’t you?  

I don't think I've ever in my life heard someone say, “Ya know, I just love waiting in line!” or “I am so excited to wait for the next big thing to happen in my life!”  And if I ever did hear someone actually say those things, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't hang.  Have you ever felt like an airplane that has to circle the tarmac for what seems like forever before it can take off?  That’s how I feel right now.

Waiting on God is one of the hardest things for me. I’m fully aware that I’m impatient and usually want things to happen yesterday.  People will tell me it’s all in His timing, and I get that.  But for goodness sake, could His timing be my timing just once?!  For a type-A person like me, waiting for God to open a door somewhere (anywhere!) can be excruciating.  I wonder if you’ve ever been there too?

So I’m going to preach to myself and hope this applies to you too ;)

Here’s four things you can do while you’re waiting on God…

1. Go to the word of God.  Isaiah 40:31 says, “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  In other translations the word “hope” is “wait”.  This struck me as interesting.  When I think of waiting I think of drudgery.  I think of getting my driver’s license renewed at the DMV; two hours of my life I’ll never get back, and a horrible picture of myself to commemorate the occasion for the next four years.  Kill me now.  But when I think of hope, I think of a positive expectancy, an excitement for what’s to come. Merriam Webster defines hope as this: to desire with expectation of obtainment, to expect with confidence.  I love that.  So often we’re looking for hope in all the wrong places, if you will. But what Isaiah says here is that when we place our expectation with confidence, our hope, in the Lord that He will renew our strength.  Thank you God for that!  We will wear ourselves out hoping in ourselves or our abilities.  We have to remember where we should be placing our hope.  Not in man, not in ourselves, but in Him.  Which leads me to my next point beautifully…

2. Resist the urge to make things happen.  Oh I hate this one. This is what I do!  This is how I roll!  I love to take matters in my own hands and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!  Like I did four weeks ago…I got tired of waiting for God to open a door for me and decided to try my hat at doing hair again.  Why not?- I reasoned.  I’m not doing anything else anyway so what could it hurt?  Me.  It could hurt me.  And it did.  I found myself numb and in pain all at the same time for weeks afterward, and I took what felt like four steps back in my recovery.  My body wasn't ready and likely never will be again.  Sometimes we think we can handle that thing and we just aren't ready. Had I waited on the Lord instead of trying to kick a door open for myself I could have saved myself a lot of pain and frustration.  God knew I wasn't ready but I didn't want to listen.  Lesson learned.  Sometimes a closed door is just as good as an open door. 

3. Pick up that thing right in front of you.  Do you have a home?  Good.  Go clean it.  Do you have kids?  Good.  Go feed them. Or in my case, do you have a blog??  Good.  Go write it!  So often we miss out on what’s right in front of us because we’re so focused on what’s ahead.  Maybe God knows you won’t be able to handle that next big thing if you can’t even handle your household right now and wants you to take care of that first.  Or maybe He knows that if He gave you what you’re asking Him for right now that your marriage wouldn't survive it.  Go back to the basics.  What areas of your life do you need to work on?  Are you taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually?  Are you caring for your husband, family, or home well?  Do you need to get back on track with your finances?  Whatever it is, go do it.  If we’re faithful in the small things, he’ll give us bigger things.

     A couple of weeks ago I decided to put this to the test.  I thought, ok fine.  If I’m going to be  stuck here at home all day with no job and nothing to do then I guess I can treat my home like it’s my job and go deep clean the bathroom today and work at it as unto the Lord blah blah blah… I was less than enthused.  But the most amazing thing happened.  As I was scrubbing the shower, and the floors, and the walls, God brought person after person to my mind.  Even some people that I forgot existed!  I found myself praying for each and every person God brought to my mind, and I found myself renewed in the process.  That’s so like Him isn't it?  

4. PRAY.  Pray that thing through, whatever it is.  

Pray for peace and patience in the waiting.  

   

Pray that you’ll learn every thing God wants to show you during this time of wait.

  

Pray and ask God to show you how to wait well. 

Pray and ask God for encouragement- maybe directly from His word or from a friend.  

Pray for wisdom and discernment for when He does open a door.

Find someone else to pray for!  Be an encouragement to someone else! 

You guys, I really hope this helps.  I know it’s helping me.  I’m feeling slightly less grouchy with every word I type.  But I still want a Chick Fil A milkshake.  I feel good about making that happen.

What are you waiting on God for?  I’ll pray for you if you’ll pray for me?  Leave me a comment telling me what you’re waiting for and we can expect God with confidence together :)

Till next time…

Where The Heck Have I Been??

Hey there!  Remember me?  I'm the chick who writes on this blog…or at least I was…  I know it’s been awhile and some of you have been asking me, “Where’s your blog??” and I really haven't had a good answer for you.  Some of my absence can be attributed to circumstances, and some of it just not.  So here’s what I’ve been up to…

Most of you know I had major surgery this spring for thoracic outlet syndrome. Feel free to insert “blah blah blah” or vomiting noises here.  Truly, I'm just as tired of talking about it as you probably are of hearing about it.  This surgery really kicked my butt. 

Road trip back down to Baltimore for my follow up appointment at

 Johns Hopkins Univ. Hospital this summer.  Alex looks thrilled.

And just when I think I’m all “back to normal”  my recovery takes two steps back.  It’s been extremely frustrating for me.  Apparently I don't believe the rules apply to me, so when my surgeon told me that it will take a full year to recover from this I just kinda brushed off that notion and expected to be able to work again doing hair in five months time.  No. Such. Luck.  In fact I’ve found that doing hair works in direct opposition to my recovery and really won’t be something I can ever go back to.  So I guess I’d better learn a new skill!  How about writing…??

I have been writing once a month for our church’s blog, which I’ve really enjoyed, but haven’t been writing much here. I’ve been wrestling with some serious questions.  Brace yourself and I’ll walk you through my neurosis…

1. Does my voice, my thoughts, my words, improve the silence or just add more noise?  The internet is a noisy place, y’all.  I'm sure you know that.  So I’ve spent some time wondering if it’s even worth it to add my voice to it.  Who cares?  I’m just a mom and housewife from PA.  Why should anyone listen to me?  Which lead me to my next question… 
2. What if I put my words out there and no one reads them?  What if no one cares what I have to say?  I am a perfectionist, so my natural thought process is this-  If I can’t have the most amazing blog in the world with the most riveting content and the most followers ever in the history of the internet, then I’d rather not do it.  Go big or go home.  So I went home.

Which leads me to my third reason for dropping y’all like a Hot Pocket…

3.  My kids were home for the summer.  I LOVE having my kids home.  In fact I try to talk them into homeschooling just about every year before they go back to school.  But alas, they love school and really thrive there.  There are worse problems to have.  And they provided a very convenient excuse not to write.

                                           Are they just ridiculously adorable or what?

But here’s what I’ve concluded in my time away…

• So what?  So what if my surgery knocked me on my butt?  I need to get back up.  And when my recovery takes two steps back, I need to remember all the steps I’ve taken forward.

• So what if no one listens to me?  I’ve been told that God has given me a gift for writing.  I'm not quite sure I buy this idea yet, but if He has then I owe it to Him to explore it, develop it, and use it for His glory.

• Perfectionism is really just fear.  Ugh.  I don't even like typing those words let alone processing them.  I allowed fear to creep in and tell me I'm not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, I don't have enough skills, or drive to produce something worthwhile.  And while some of that may or may not be true, I’m giving myself permission to explore this imperfectly.  Not a huge commitment to make a full time career out of blogging, just the freedom to experiment a little, dabble a little, and have fun with it.  So now that I’m cool with that, are you?  I may not always have the most amazing images or the most riveting content, but it will always be authentically me- that much I can promise.  

So my question for you is this: what is it you’re holding yourself back from exploring?  You didn’t really think I’d write a blog post and not turn it back on you, did you??  I’m serious though.  What is something you’ve wanted to try but your perfectionistic, do-it-all-or-do-nothing-at-all attitude has been keeping you from doing?  (A 90's boy band song just popped into my head.  You too?)  What gifts have others seen in you that you haven't had the courage to develop?  You really have nothing to lose.  Give yourself permission to try.  Give yourself permission to fail.  Give yourself permission to succeed wildly.  

Finding Perfection in the Ugly Mug

This is me and my friend Angelene.  She's loud, a little crazy, randomly breaks out in song, and totally gets me.  I adore this woman.  For a couple of summers our families vacationed together in the Outer Banks and those times will forever be some of my favorite summer memories. 

 Like the time we were so fancy we had boxed wine and Cheez-Its, or the time she and my husband had an epic battle with the house decor.  Sigh…

Or the time we went to a pottery store in the OBX looking for the perfect coffee mug and instead ended up getting invited to a bluegrass concert by a creepy guy who kept insisting on showing us his backyard where I'm pretty sure he was going to throw us in a hole he had dug and go all Silence of the Lambs on us.  Aaaah…good times.  And we found this.  We quickly and appropriately named it the Ugly Mug.  

We weren’t enthralled by its beauty that's for sure.  You see, I have a pottery collection of beautiful mugs that I’ve found on my various travels.  I LOVE my pottery mugs.  They’re weighty and beautiful, colorful, all completely different from the other, and I could tell you exactly where I found each one of them.  So when we were looking around this store in search of another mug of beauty to add to my collection, you can imagine our disappointment when this was the best we could find.

It’s uneven.  

Its color is not one I would have picked.  

It’s a little too small for the amount of coffee I like to drink.  

Its rim is rough which doesn't feel great while I'm drinking from it.  

The handle is too small to hold well.  

And the base of it…well it’s just ugly.  

So why on earth would I buy it?  

I'm so glad you asked.

As Angelene and I stood in that store holding our ugly mugs, actually laughing and sarcastically making fun of them (we can be a tid bit naughty when we get together), the owner came over and started to tell us about them.  At first we weren't interested at all as he explained that he used sea shells to add the less than perfect decoration to them, and how he took them off the pottery wheel a little earlier than his other mugs thus causing their uneven shape.  But then he said something that stopped us dead in our sarcastic tracks.  He said, “Ya know, I didn't add any color to those mugs.  I let the fire give them their color and texture”.  

Drop the mic.

Shut up and take my money.

We looked at each other and knew immediately we had to buy these mugs.

I won't speak for Ang, but I knew in that moment God was trying to speak to me about my constant search for perfection.  I didn't want to add an ugly mug to my collection.  It would ruin it!  And yet… 

Isn't that so often exactly what we say to God when the story of our life takes a turn we never wanted?  I don't want this to happen!  How could you make me go through this, God?  Where are you in all this?  My life was going pretty well and now this??  You’re ruining it!  

All of the sudden like the swift slamming of a door we find ourselves in a fire.  A fire we never wanted to be in and we can’t see our way out of.  

I heard Beth Moore once describe it this way:

Sometimes God will keep you from the fire.

Sometimes God will deliver you out of the fire.

But in my experience, God will often instead walk you through the fire.  That’s how we get our color and texture anyway right?

I hate the fire.  

And I’ve been in quite a few of them. Yet while it’s so hard to get perspective while you’re in them, God has never failed to give me His perspective after He’s walked me through them; life changing perspective I could only have gained from walking it out.  Here’s some important things to understand about those fiery times in your life:

God doesn't cause them.  So often we blame Him for the hard things we’re going through, but fail to give Him credit for all the good things.  The amplified version of John 10:10 says, “the thief comes only in order to steal kill and destroy.  I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).”  I'll often use this verse as a filter with which to sift my trials.  Does what I'm going through fall under steal, kill, and destroy?  Or does it fall under abundant life?  Steal, kill, and destroy never come from God.  Know who your battle is truly with.

Even though God doesn't cause the fire, He can use it if we’ll let Him.  I love what Romans 8:28 says, “We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose.”  Do you love God?  Then He can work good out of whatever you’re going through.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve held desperately on to that verse.  

We have a choice.  How we handle ourselves in the fire is vital to how God can use it.  Will we go through it fearfully kicking and screaming with weeping and gnashing of teeth?  Or will we go through it peacefully and gracefully with the quiet assurance that God will never leave us or forsake us, striving to glean every lesson we could possibly get out of it?  The choice is ours.  When I was younger, I would often opt for the weeping and gnashing of teeth route.  Nothing graceful about me there.  Hell hath no fury like Salina slightly inconvenienced and not getting her way!  You know what I learned though?  God would keep taking me around that same mountain over and over in different ways.  I could imagine Him saying, “Are you ready to do this my way yet?”  After about the third time around I would finally say, “Yes God.  I'm ready.  Let’s do this.”  It was only after fully surrendering it to Him that I was able to see all of what He was trying to teach me.  

This mug…

To be honest with you,  I don’t use it very often.  It’s not one I bring out when serving coffee to company.  But when I do bring it out, I always tell its story about how God used this mug to help me find beauty in its imperfection.  There’s beauty in a life that’s survived the fire.  It has a story to tell. The fires of life can leave us with scars, some figurative, some literal.  And we don't want to be constantly showing off our scars for others to see. There’s a time and place for that, and God has always been faithful to show me those times and places where He wants me to share the stories of what He’s walked me through.  But as I look at my Ugly Mug I’m reminded that much like myself, the very thing that could have destroyed it is the very thing that gives it its color, texture, and makes it unique.  It may be a little rough around the edges and hard to hold at times, but it was molded and shaped by the Potter all the same and has been called according to His purpose. 

So I think I’ll go pour myself another cup of coffee (in one of my pretty mugs!) and give my friend Ang a call…maybe plan our next vacation…??!

Till next time…

When life's not Pinterest worthy

Can I let you in on a little secret?  My life is just not that exciting.  It certainly isn't Pinterest worthy or Facebook impressive.  It’s 5:00 pm on a Sunday of a holiday weekend, and here’s a snapshot into my world:

My 13year old is on the couch with the iPad and earbuds watching Cutthroat Kitchen on Netflix.  He’s been here for hours.

My husband is out bowling with some guys from our small group.  Before this he was doing laundry and ironing.  Also for hours.  Yes, my husband does the laundry and I fully recognize how awesome this is.

My 10 year old is upstairs in her room sound asleep.  Apparently she went up there hours ago to take a nap, and now I’m going to have to wake her if I want her to sleep again before next Tuesday.

And the reason I said “apparently” about my 10 year old’s status is because I fell asleep on the couch before she even made it up to her room.  And I napped.  For hours.

Exciting isn't it??

There’s only a thousand things that could be done in the yard or around the house but not today and I'm only moderately ok with this.  I'm a do-er.  I like to go places, get things done, be social, and the rest of our week is usually busy.  And while what seems like all my friends are posting to fb their weekend adventures at the beach, or the activities they’re doing with their kids, or the parties they’re going to, I'm here at home staring at the layer of dog hair on my living room carpet and wondering if no one can see it but me because surely that's why it’s still there.  

We document and post every exciting moment of our lives to social media sometimes to just  keep up with friends and family, but sometimes in the hopes that others will look at it and think- Wow.  Their life must be awesome.  Don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty.  And my life is awesome, but not because of my most recent status update.  Here’s a broader snapshot of my week:

Monday- A friend drives me to pt and back because she doesn't want me to have to worry about driving home sore from a rough session even though I've been medically cleared to drive for weeks now.  I feel loved.

Tuesday- I do my day long grocery shopping trip.  I have certain grocery stores that I travel to outside of our county for specific things because it is deeply discounted and worth the trip.  I feel so well cared for because we are blessed enough by my husband’s job that I don't have to work.  Spending a whole day grocery shopping and meal planning so that I can stretch our food budget feels like a privilege to me.

Wednesday- We have the honor of hosting about 25 people in our home that evening to learn more about God’s word.  Real-life questions are asked and I can see lightbulb moments happening all over the room.  A few people lingered long after the group time was over to ask some very real questions that have been burdening them.  I feel so honored that they were comfortable enough to ask them in our home.

Thursday- Was supposed to be a prescribed day of nothing but instead was filled with a last minute visit from a dear friend whose conversation and friendship leave me feeling rejuvenated for the rest of the day.

Friday- My children had a half day of school and because I’m able to be home with them we have a peaceful afternoon together.  My little one goes to a sleepover and the boys and I go to the movies that evening where we got to view in the comfort of new wonderful leather reclining seats (there is no other acceptable way to view a movie in my opinion anymore).  Side note- the man who came by himself sitting next to me was waaaaaay to chatty. If he were my child I would have sushed him.  A lot.

Saturday- I'm up bright and early to take my daughter to her tumbling class after which we run to the mall to pick up a few necessities.  Cheer bows, bathing suits and soft pretzels are necessities.  My parents then take the kiddos overnight so Frank and I can enjoy an evening out at an amazing restaurant with friends to celebrate their new walk with the Lord and the reconciliation of their marriage.  How amazing.

That brings me back to today.  My unimpressive today.  I woke up very sore this morning from the week’s physical therapy.  I had to convince myself to get it together for church.  I went to service and then lead a group of about 30 new believers (or new to our church believers) on how to actually make this “faith thing” happen in real life.  People openly shared their struggles, experiences and hope for a different way to live.  I'm floored by their transparency and quickly feel like a heel for having to kick myself out the door earlier.  I feel so blessed to be even a small part of their journey.  

None of these moments are Pinterest worthy.  I didn't make one craft, try one new recipe, or use one new parenting technique, and I certainly didn't take pictures of it all (I fall into more of the “I know what my kids look like, why do I need so many pictures?” camp).  I didn't travel to any amazing location, walk the beach, or visit a monument, but I did get to spend time with people I love, see and celebrate lives changed, come to the realization yet again that I really want for nothing, and marvel at the abundance of friends and blessings in my life.  It may not look or sound spectacular on social media but I’ve never been more content.

So no, we probably won’t get to the beach this summer, (the kids asked where we were going on vacation and I told them physical therapy...groans ensued) and I can all but guarantee I won’t do any of the Pinterest crafts that I so love to pin. I will have nothing exciting to offer the social media masses, but I will have a summer of life and love and blessing.  That’s exciting enough for me.  Let it be exciting enough for you too.   There are many people walking exotic beaches right now wishing that in the course of one week they would feel loved and privileged, honored and rejuvenated, peaceful, amazed and blessed.

So please, for your sake and mine, put away your craft supplies, back away from your bento box and exhale.  Start a fire and roast some wonderfully nitrate filled hot dogs and wash them down with refined sugar, and don't give one rip what others think about it.   It’s all good I promise.  No one’s going to die.  Enjoy your life.  I'll bet it's pretty awesome :)

Till next time…

When You Just Don't Feel Good

     Can I just be totally honest with you?  I plain old don’t feel good.  Two weeks ago I underwent major surgery to relieve the compression from my Thoracic Outlet Syndrome by removing my first rib and my left scalene muscle (which is one of the neck muscles).  While recovery has been going as well as can possibly be expected, I just don’t feel good.  I don’t have a ton of pain, but my body has definitely suffered a huge trauma and is quick to remind me.  I’m fourteen days post-op at this point and I’m tired of my living room looking like a makeshift hospital room, my four bouquets of flowers are dying, and all the amazing meals that have been brought to us by even more amazing friends and family just make me nauseous.  There’s no fun having going on over here at all.  

     This week has been difficult.  Because my husband had go back to work this week, I’ve cut way back on my pain meds to only one overnight dose since I have to be able to take my daughter to school in the morning and be somewhat functional.  And for the most part I’m good.  But there’s nothing like taking a shower and getting myself together to remind me of just how NOT long ago my surgery was.  It’s exhausting!  No wonder I made it on the Rachael Ray Show!  I’ve also been dealing with this unnerving realization that I lost an entire week of my life that first week after surgery, and I have no idea where it went.  It kinda freaks me out.  Have you ever been there?  I know I was heavily medicated that whole week as per doctor’s orders, and I know that people came to see me and we talked, but I only remember it as if someone had told me about it and it was more their memories than mine.  It’s bizarre and leaves me feeling very out of control.  Not a fan.  

     Can I be honest about something else?  This has not been a great time of getting closer to the Lord through my suffering.  Sorry.  It just hasn’t.  I’ve heard and read those types of sentiments.  Those flowery words from people that go something like this: “Use this time of your recovery to pray and read and just rest in Jesus’ arms and grow closer to Him.”  Nope.  Not happening.  It’s more like survival mode.  How am I going to get through today?  I need to shower and then I need to rest.  Then I’ll dry my hair and then I’ll need rest again.  Then I’ll need someone to run me out somewhere but only for about a half an hour at a time because then I’ll need to rest.  It’s all very exciting (insert sarcasm font here) and I’m trying so hard not to get frustrated.  

     Then I take a moment to survey all I’m thankful for…

I survived the surgery.

I’m recovering better than expected.

I got to go to the best doctor in the country for this specialty at the best hospital in the country.

God’s sovereignty protected me as my surgery in Baltimore was the week before the riots started and not the week of.

My children are happy and healthy.

My husband takes such good care of me.

I have no shortage of friends willing to bring a meal or help us out or break into my house when they couldn't find me and thought I might not be ok.  Yup.  That happened.

There are people going through so much worse than this.

I feel blessed.

Going through this list I realize that while I may not feel like I’m growing closer to the Lord or resting in Him, I am worshipping.  Gratitude is an act of worship.  I also realize that there will be times in our lives when we can’t pray, or read, or worship, and that's when we can rest and rely on the prayers of those praying for us.  Goodness am I so thankful for all your prayers.  Please don't stop them yet!  Thank you for sustaining me in the Spirit when I couldn't sustain myself.  All along I’ve been resting in His arms and I didn't have to do a darn thing to make that happen.  God is so good isn't He?  He picks us up when we can’t get up ourselves and honors the prayers of others on our behalf. 

     So, next week I’ll start physical therapy and try to find a new normal.  Goodness gracious will I need your prayers then!  In the meantime, I’m getting rid of these dead flowers, putting the cards away, and turning my living room back into a living room.  You can keep the meals coming though ;)

That Time I Was On the Rachael Ray Show And How I Really Feel About It...

Once upon a time I was on The Rachael Ray Show.  Nope.  Not making this up.  In fact, you can watch the segment here.  It was one of those whirlwind experiences that came out of nowhere.  One minute I was bumming around my house and the next I was on the phone with producers from her show every day for two weeks.  It was brought to my attention that they were looking for someone who either never leaves the house without makeup on or never wears it at all.  It’s no secret that I always have my hair and makeup done  (It’s just how I roll) and so when word got out, I was given the phone number of a producer there and told, “No really, you need to call.”  Many contracts and confidentiality agreements promising my first born were signed and I was booked for the show.  The assignment was for me to trade beauty routines (or lack thereof) with someone who takes minimalism in beauty to new heights.  Or depths?  I don't know… Within two weeks of being booked for the show, a camera and sound crew along with a field producer came to spend the day with me.  Ask me: how do you get your house clean enough to be on national tv?  My answer: you don’t.  We were in the middle of a kitchen remodel so I begged them not to film in there (they didn’t), and our front yard was completely dug up from having our sewer line replaced the week before, so I also begged them not to film the front of our house (they did).   

The crew was fantastic and spent a full twelve hours with us.  Honestly, it was exhausting!  I totally get why tv people get paid so much!  It doesn't look like hard work, but it really is to be “on” like that for hours at a time.  They filmed me doing my hair, doing my makeup, taking my daughter to school, interviews with the kids, interviews with my husband, doing some work at church, grocery shopping…it was a ton of footage, and what they actually used was roughly 2% of it.  

Side note: My daughter was in seventh heaven!  The field producer that was here was some beautiful young blonde woman who does freelance producing for a ton of different shows.  (They were telling us horror stories about the Dr.Phil show shoots.  It was kind of awesome.)  Once my daughter found out this chick had done producing for American Idol and America’s Got Talent, she carpe’d the crap out of that diem and sang all of “Let It Go” for her in hopes of instant stardom.  Too.  Funny.  She may not have achieved stardom quite yet, but she was a big hit in the school cafeteria the next day.  

Once they were finished filming here I was left with a small video camera and a makeup case of all the products my counterpart used and was told to video journal all throughout my day for the next five days as I attempted to embrace this new minimalist routine.  You know, like you embrace the flu.  Here’s what you need to know about this - We were to give very detailed lists of all the beauty products we use throughout the day, including skin care, makeup, hair products and tools.  My list was loooong and glorious.  Receiving a box of all that was on that list would have been like the best Christmas ever for me.  Think Red Ryder BB gun with the compass in the stock… There was easily $500-$700 worth of products in there.  Sigh.  But alas, what do I receive?  Hairbands and chapstick.  That's it.  So.  Not.  Fair.  Knowing that the recipient of the box of all my glorious products would not only not appreciate them but also not know what to do with them left a hole in my heart.  I’m still not entirely over it.  Chapstick. Did I mention I got Chapstick?

So for five days I went sans makeup and hair product and video journaled it all.  I was a teensy bit grumpy.  Again, you can see how it went for me right here.  The next week we were whisked up to NYC via bus which we had to pay for ourselves or we would've had to submit a W-2 form for taxes on all $120 of it.  Yeah.  Thanks but no thanks. They put us up in a lovely hotel for the night just a few doors down from the studio.  They did at least pay for the hotel and gave us $40 for dinner expenses.  No W-2 necessary.  The studio itself looks like nothing much from the outside.  Just another big warehouse-y looking building with Rachael Ray’s picture on it.  So we went there in the morning to film the studio segment.  

Another side note: I’ve heard many rumors regarding the green rooms and how there’s amazing food everywhere.  It’s a lie.  We were in what we were told was the nicest green room there, (there was a glass covered chalkboard in there with a note from Michelle Obama on it) and the only sustenance in it was a bowl with two apples, two oranges, a banana, and four bottles of water.  Not a delicacy in sight.  Or smell.  Super bummer. James VanDerBeek was also there at the same time we were, but our door was closed swiftly as he entered our hallway so as not to be gazed upon by the peasants.  Whatevs.  

Hair and makeup was fairly uneventful as I had already done mine at the hotel and they had nothing to argue with so we agreed that some fake eyelashes would add an extra oomph and that was it.  We were coached on the questions Rachael would ask and then were escorted on set where they were already filming.  This was the first time I saw and/or talked to Rachael Ray through this whole process.  We did have a few minutes to chat during commercial breaks where she asked me about my shoes and mostly talked to my counterpart about her dogs.  She was nice enough.  Not super friendly but not mean either.  Just nice. Enough.  I blinked and the segment was over.  If it weren't for watching the video I don't think I could have told you what I actually said!  Within five minuted of finishing the filming we were back on the streets of NY.  It was actually surreal.  Like a- is-this-real-life??- kind of moment.  It was like planning for a wedding or Christmas.  Weeks and weeks of thought, energy, and preparation go into them and when the day finally gets here you blink and it’s over.  So we grabbed some lunch and it was back on the bus to go home where life as I knew it would resume.  All in all it was a great, once in a lifetime kind of experience that I will remember forever.

So here’s where things get sticky.  How do I really feel about all this beauty stuff? Here’s a few things I want you to know:

 First of all, just because I religiously do my hair and makeup everyday doesn't mean I’m judging you if you don’t.  I feel more confident and more like my absolute best self when I’m all put together.  Again, this is just how I roll.  If you feel like your best self in a hairband and chapstick, more power to ya!  I’m envious of the extra time you must have!

Second, just because I wear makeup or spend a lot of time on my hair doesn't mean I’m insecure or vain.  And yes, in some comments this has come up.  I actually love doing these things.  For goodness sake I did hair for a living!  It feels girly and wonderful and if you're not one to ever do these things, you may want to give it a try before you write it off or pass judgement.  

Third, my husband looooves that I take the time to do these things for myself.  I want to always be attractive to him, and let’s face it ladies, there’s a lot out there vying for our husbands' attention.  Now please don’t misunderstand, my husband loves me just as much with makeup as without, but I like that he’s proud to show me off sometimes.  :)

Fourth, from all my years behind the chair as a hairdresser I’ve learned that most women feel better about themselves when they’re a little done up. We all know beauty comes from within but sometimes we need to start from the outside before we can really feel it on the inside.  A good makeover can be a huge self esteem boost.

And lastly there’s this; my identity has nothing to do with how I look.  My identity comes from God alone and what he has to say about me.  If I weren’t rooted in that I never would have been able to bear all like that on national tv.  The hair, the makeup- that's just icing on the cake that is me!  And I just so happen to like cake with lots of decorations on it!  

My husband loves me.  My God loves me.  At the end of the day, that’s all I need.

Till next time…