When life's not Pinterest worthy

Can I let you in on a little secret?  My life is just not that exciting.  It certainly isn't Pinterest worthy or Facebook impressive.  It’s 5:00 pm on a Sunday of a holiday weekend, and here’s a snapshot into my world:

My 13year old is on the couch with the iPad and earbuds watching Cutthroat Kitchen on Netflix.  He’s been here for hours.

My husband is out bowling with some guys from our small group.  Before this he was doing laundry and ironing.  Also for hours.  Yes, my husband does the laundry and I fully recognize how awesome this is.

My 10 year old is upstairs in her room sound asleep.  Apparently she went up there hours ago to take a nap, and now I’m going to have to wake her if I want her to sleep again before next Tuesday.

And the reason I said “apparently” about my 10 year old’s status is because I fell asleep on the couch before she even made it up to her room.  And I napped.  For hours.

Exciting isn't it??

There’s only a thousand things that could be done in the yard or around the house but not today and I'm only moderately ok with this.  I'm a do-er.  I like to go places, get things done, be social, and the rest of our week is usually busy.  And while what seems like all my friends are posting to fb their weekend adventures at the beach, or the activities they’re doing with their kids, or the parties they’re going to, I'm here at home staring at the layer of dog hair on my living room carpet and wondering if no one can see it but me because surely that's why it’s still there.  

We document and post every exciting moment of our lives to social media sometimes to just  keep up with friends and family, but sometimes in the hopes that others will look at it and think- Wow.  Their life must be awesome.  Don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty.  And my life is awesome, but not because of my most recent status update.  Here’s a broader snapshot of my week:

Monday- A friend drives me to pt and back because she doesn't want me to have to worry about driving home sore from a rough session even though I've been medically cleared to drive for weeks now.  I feel loved.

Tuesday- I do my day long grocery shopping trip.  I have certain grocery stores that I travel to outside of our county for specific things because it is deeply discounted and worth the trip.  I feel so well cared for because we are blessed enough by my husband’s job that I don't have to work.  Spending a whole day grocery shopping and meal planning so that I can stretch our food budget feels like a privilege to me.

Wednesday- We have the honor of hosting about 25 people in our home that evening to learn more about God’s word.  Real-life questions are asked and I can see lightbulb moments happening all over the room.  A few people lingered long after the group time was over to ask some very real questions that have been burdening them.  I feel so honored that they were comfortable enough to ask them in our home.

Thursday- Was supposed to be a prescribed day of nothing but instead was filled with a last minute visit from a dear friend whose conversation and friendship leave me feeling rejuvenated for the rest of the day.

Friday- My children had a half day of school and because I’m able to be home with them we have a peaceful afternoon together.  My little one goes to a sleepover and the boys and I go to the movies that evening where we got to view in the comfort of new wonderful leather reclining seats (there is no other acceptable way to view a movie in my opinion anymore).  Side note- the man who came by himself sitting next to me was waaaaaay to chatty. If he were my child I would have sushed him.  A lot.

Saturday- I'm up bright and early to take my daughter to her tumbling class after which we run to the mall to pick up a few necessities.  Cheer bows, bathing suits and soft pretzels are necessities.  My parents then take the kiddos overnight so Frank and I can enjoy an evening out at an amazing restaurant with friends to celebrate their new walk with the Lord and the reconciliation of their marriage.  How amazing.

That brings me back to today.  My unimpressive today.  I woke up very sore this morning from the week’s physical therapy.  I had to convince myself to get it together for church.  I went to service and then lead a group of about 30 new believers (or new to our church believers) on how to actually make this “faith thing” happen in real life.  People openly shared their struggles, experiences and hope for a different way to live.  I'm floored by their transparency and quickly feel like a heel for having to kick myself out the door earlier.  I feel so blessed to be even a small part of their journey.  

None of these moments are Pinterest worthy.  I didn't make one craft, try one new recipe, or use one new parenting technique, and I certainly didn't take pictures of it all (I fall into more of the “I know what my kids look like, why do I need so many pictures?” camp).  I didn't travel to any amazing location, walk the beach, or visit a monument, but I did get to spend time with people I love, see and celebrate lives changed, come to the realization yet again that I really want for nothing, and marvel at the abundance of friends and blessings in my life.  It may not look or sound spectacular on social media but I’ve never been more content.

So no, we probably won’t get to the beach this summer, (the kids asked where we were going on vacation and I told them physical therapy...groans ensued) and I can all but guarantee I won’t do any of the Pinterest crafts that I so love to pin. I will have nothing exciting to offer the social media masses, but I will have a summer of life and love and blessing.  That’s exciting enough for me.  Let it be exciting enough for you too.   There are many people walking exotic beaches right now wishing that in the course of one week they would feel loved and privileged, honored and rejuvenated, peaceful, amazed and blessed.

So please, for your sake and mine, put away your craft supplies, back away from your bento box and exhale.  Start a fire and roast some wonderfully nitrate filled hot dogs and wash them down with refined sugar, and don't give one rip what others think about it.   It’s all good I promise.  No one’s going to die.  Enjoy your life.  I'll bet it's pretty awesome :)

Till next time…

When You Just Don't Feel Good

     Can I just be totally honest with you?  I plain old don’t feel good.  Two weeks ago I underwent major surgery to relieve the compression from my Thoracic Outlet Syndrome by removing my first rib and my left scalene muscle (which is one of the neck muscles).  While recovery has been going as well as can possibly be expected, I just don’t feel good.  I don’t have a ton of pain, but my body has definitely suffered a huge trauma and is quick to remind me.  I’m fourteen days post-op at this point and I’m tired of my living room looking like a makeshift hospital room, my four bouquets of flowers are dying, and all the amazing meals that have been brought to us by even more amazing friends and family just make me nauseous.  There’s no fun having going on over here at all.  

     This week has been difficult.  Because my husband had go back to work this week, I’ve cut way back on my pain meds to only one overnight dose since I have to be able to take my daughter to school in the morning and be somewhat functional.  And for the most part I’m good.  But there’s nothing like taking a shower and getting myself together to remind me of just how NOT long ago my surgery was.  It’s exhausting!  No wonder I made it on the Rachael Ray Show!  I’ve also been dealing with this unnerving realization that I lost an entire week of my life that first week after surgery, and I have no idea where it went.  It kinda freaks me out.  Have you ever been there?  I know I was heavily medicated that whole week as per doctor’s orders, and I know that people came to see me and we talked, but I only remember it as if someone had told me about it and it was more their memories than mine.  It’s bizarre and leaves me feeling very out of control.  Not a fan.  

     Can I be honest about something else?  This has not been a great time of getting closer to the Lord through my suffering.  Sorry.  It just hasn’t.  I’ve heard and read those types of sentiments.  Those flowery words from people that go something like this: “Use this time of your recovery to pray and read and just rest in Jesus’ arms and grow closer to Him.”  Nope.  Not happening.  It’s more like survival mode.  How am I going to get through today?  I need to shower and then I need to rest.  Then I’ll dry my hair and then I’ll need rest again.  Then I’ll need someone to run me out somewhere but only for about a half an hour at a time because then I’ll need to rest.  It’s all very exciting (insert sarcasm font here) and I’m trying so hard not to get frustrated.  

     Then I take a moment to survey all I’m thankful for…

I survived the surgery.

I’m recovering better than expected.

I got to go to the best doctor in the country for this specialty at the best hospital in the country.

God’s sovereignty protected me as my surgery in Baltimore was the week before the riots started and not the week of.

My children are happy and healthy.

My husband takes such good care of me.

I have no shortage of friends willing to bring a meal or help us out or break into my house when they couldn't find me and thought I might not be ok.  Yup.  That happened.

There are people going through so much worse than this.

I feel blessed.

Going through this list I realize that while I may not feel like I’m growing closer to the Lord or resting in Him, I am worshipping.  Gratitude is an act of worship.  I also realize that there will be times in our lives when we can’t pray, or read, or worship, and that's when we can rest and rely on the prayers of those praying for us.  Goodness am I so thankful for all your prayers.  Please don't stop them yet!  Thank you for sustaining me in the Spirit when I couldn't sustain myself.  All along I’ve been resting in His arms and I didn't have to do a darn thing to make that happen.  God is so good isn't He?  He picks us up when we can’t get up ourselves and honors the prayers of others on our behalf. 

     So, next week I’ll start physical therapy and try to find a new normal.  Goodness gracious will I need your prayers then!  In the meantime, I’m getting rid of these dead flowers, putting the cards away, and turning my living room back into a living room.  You can keep the meals coming though ;)